Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
