At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
