i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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