Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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