redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
