are you still at the devil's house?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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