I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
