Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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