You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
