I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
