its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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