bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
