glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
