After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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