Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
where am i from again
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
