god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
