mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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