The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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