every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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