I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
