I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
