sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
