I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
