I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
