We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
