Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
