literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
