Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
