nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
