After last night, I could never be a politician.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
