I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
