I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
