i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
