she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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