She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
