I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
