i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
