I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
