I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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