I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
