Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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