I heard we made out
Your tits are I can't wait for
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
