Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
