I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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