wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
