I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
