i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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