She said her name was "party"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
