i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
