i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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