Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
