My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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